Last night I came home to kids throughout the house. 2 in the kitchen cleaning, 1 on the couch with phone in hand, 1 friend asleep on the couch, and 2 sitting at the dinning table talking.
I got a text from a friend saying how she appreciates my open door policy and her kids call my home one of their favorite places to go.
This morning I journaled how I wish I hadn't divorced. This morning I journaled how the divorce has caused a fragmentation in our family structure.
It's been 10 years since my divorce and I'm so glad I took this move.
So am I glad I divorced or not? Am I suppose to be glad over divorce?
I think the conflicting feelings I'm having is (perceiving) my kids STRUGGLE to make sense of life! And I don't even know IF THEY ARE STRUGGLING TO THE DEGREE I'M making it! I think it's all fucking in my head!
That's it! That's it!
I am SO HAPPY I left....but seeing my kids work through the meaning of life is agonizing for me.* For we taught them the ONLY meaning in life is to serve God. And God hates divorce. Then I leave their father.
Had I stayed married I'd be on kid 12 by now and my girls would still be wearing potatoe sacks looking forward to their future of birthing multiple babies, not being able to create a life of their own and submitting to their husband.
You probably want to know if I've talked to the kids. I have.
When I ask their opinion on me leaving their father they REMIND me how it used to be. How we used to live. How we used to think. And through tears I kiss them and tell them THANK YOU for REMINDING me.
We all need to be REMINDED.
We all forget.
I forget when something doesn't work out. I forget when I see a mess. I forget when the kids don't listen the first time. I forget when I'm undressing in front of the mirror. I forget when a neighbor doesn't smile at me. I forget when a client doesn't appreciate me.
We forget we are living in a world system based on FEAR. We are steeped in fear. We think that things outside of us can cause us pain. And the TRUTH is ONLY WE CAN CAUSE US PAIN. NO ONE, NO THING OUTSIDE OF US CAN cause us upset.....UNLESS WE ALLOW IT.
How do we stop allowing outside circumstances from touching us? How can we be IN THIS WORLD, but not of it?
ONLY BY REMEBERING.
And I will talking about REMEMBERING in the next few days!
Remembering OUR TRUE IDENTITY will set us free and nothing else!
***Are you currently IN PAIN RIGHT NOW SISTERS???***
Here's a fail proof remedy for pain.
START APPRECIATING!
"Oh Love! Ohhhhh Love! I love you Love! I love how you've blessed me with an abundance of resources! I love that my arms work! My legs....I went for a long walk this morning in the rain! I love the rain! We need the rain! I'm drinking my 2nd latte at my local coffee shop and I'm blessed. My home is full of food! I appreciate my fridge full of food! I appreciate the farmers who pasture raise their animals and I don't mind to pay a heavy price for their meat, bones and organs in order to nourish my body. I appreciate my mail man! I appreciate music! I love to dance! I appreciate books! I appreciate my kids love to read and I'm so thankful for our public library system and our parks! I appreciate laughter and that I can even laugh!"
My sisters....your mind will again cause you to remember how shitty your life is....and again....GO ON A RAMPAGE OF GRATITUDE!
Over and over and over......
You ARE DOING BETTER THAN YOU THINK!
GIVE GRATITUDE over and over until your state changes! This is not a one time a day thing! It's probably a once every 30 minute thing.
All of my soul......SEES, RECOGNIZES and HONORS your soul. This is namaste.
🥰
We are all on the SAME journey together. What I realize is....none of us hardly knows this fact because we are living in fear and isolation. Fear to start that's woman's gathering, fear to go to the woman's gathering, fear to talk about sex and admit our sex is shitty. Or talk about how glorious our sex is for fear of seeming prideful. Fear to learn new ways. Fear to share anything poor about ourself.
Our mind is fragmented, we are disassociated, and we feel separate.
That is part of the illusion. It is not truth.
Our mind is whole and is nothing but love. Our soul knows this....our soul speaks the truth of our identity.
More to come.
🥰
*agonizing for me. All the problems I think I'm having, or think my kids are having is ALL IN MY MIND....my ego, that is part of the illusion.
Truth/reality is I AM DIVINE LOVE. My soul has never left god/love therefore salvation is not necessary. We need no saving because NONE OF US HAVE EVER LEFT god/love! There is nothing to be saved from.