"Shannon, I can just feel the tug-of-war going on inside of me. It's like they are already fighting." A client of mine who was 6 months pregnant with twins.
"Whenever the girl needs me, it's as if the boy knows and begins to cry for me as well." Same mom of the twins.
JEALOUSY is a very common misconception fueled by fear in many new parents.
I've not spent time giving consideration to these worries around sibling rivalry. With 7 kids, I never experienced it, probably because I've never entertained it.
As a young mother I spoke to Hanna about the baby in my womb as if he/she would be her greatest friend. When Mattias came out, I remember the FIRST person that touched Mattias was the lips of his sister as she planted an honoring kiss right on his mouth.
When Mattias would begin to whimper I would say things aloud like, "I wonder if he wants his momma or sister? Oh Mattias, you can't play with your sister yet, you must get a little bigger. Oh Mattias, I know you want to eat your sister's salad but you will have to wait till you get teeth! Oh Hanna, you help me so much when I ask you to help me change your brothers diaper! Thank you Hanna for loving your brother! Hanna how could I do this without you?"
I just lived as if there was no such thing as jealousy. Actually, I never even thought about it. I had no role models for mothering, but I had many books that I read written from gentle mothers in the 1800's. The mothers wrote so kindly and tenderly about their families and the multiple children they adored and cherished. It seemed these mothers were able to hone in on each kids abilities and talents and would highly encourage their areas of giftings.
If we are fearful of sibling rivalry/jealously, that fear (energy) will deliver more of that.....The universe delivers to us what we strongly think upon whether we want it or not.
Momma, speak words of WHAT YOU WANT TO COME FORTH, not what you don't want. Speak words to your children of THANKFULNESS and PRAISE! Put demands on your children....but don't do it in a demanding way. What starts off as fun carrying out the trash, soon becomes habit and a desire to feel part of the family. Kids don't work enough and I am fully guilty of not demanding enough.
Start now speaking life and encouragement into your babies, and give no opportunity for anything else. Make helping one another COMMON, make playfulness common; you nor your kids won't even be aware of jealously.
You are doing better than you think sisters!
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